I am sitting in an airport lounge waiting to fly back to my
home in East Africa. I am returning from a week-long work-related visit to my
passport country, and am now longing to be back in the warmth, chaos and dust
of home.
It has been over a year since I was last here. So many
people have asked me open-ended questions, such as ‘How are the family?’, or,
‘How is work?’, or ‘What is your church like?’, or ‘How is Africa?’ Often I am
quite bewildered to know where to start. There are some things that are just
too difficult to fully explain, and it is easier to focus on concrete facts
(like, ‘Please pray for a favourable judgement at my daughter’s adoption
hearing’). As I return home, I feel quite emotional and jumbled, and from that
perspective, offer a few reflections of what it can be like for a person who
now lives far away to parachute back into their ‘old’ life for a short time:
1.
General
bewilderment: It is just like parachuting back in to a life which in some
ways feels absolutely familiar and which in other ways feels completely
foreign. I find this really unsettling – examples this time have included a
change in several denominations of the currency used, some quite dramatic
fashion trends (for example full beards on young men), people who have undergone
significant life events in the time I have been gone, computerisation of all
medical records in the hospital where I work and even the building of a brand
new, very shiny hospital (not open yet – likely to be by the time I am next
back)
2.
Relationships.
It can be immensely rewarding and encouraging to meet with friends, even for a
short time, and yet at the same time, this can also be frustrating as there
just isn’t always enough time to really connect. I have not worked out a
particular formula to predict which encounters will fall into which of these
categories, but I have noted a couple of things. For me, I don’t even tell very
many people that I will be around – I pray about this a lot before making the
trip, and then get in contact with a few people. It is much easier to meet one
on one with a person and talk properly than to be surrounded by many people,
but not actually get to talk to any of them at any level. I often find it quite
bewildering to be surrounded by friends who are all chatting away about many
different things – particularly when I am just back, I’d much rather meet for a
quiet meal, coffee or walk in the park with just one or two people. At the same
time, I also pray that God shows me any opportunities I should make the most of
– for example colleagues going out after work, a group of friends going to a
run together, or somebody you had not planned to meet who has a particular need.
This time, I particularly enjoyed something called Park Run where I went with
two friends and bumped into a number of people I had not seen for years. It was
relaxed and enjoyable and conversation was easy as we’d all just shared a run
on a beautiful morning.
3.
Cultural
changes. There are often subtle changes in the way people think, talk and
behave, and it can be noticeable even after a year. I had read a statistic that
in the UK apparently more food is now consumed outside the home than at home (I
am still not quite convinced I believe this). On my first two nights, staying
with two different friends, both decided ‘just to go out for dinner because
it’s easier’. It’s a small thing, but took me by surprise. (Both were extremely
pleasant evenings, and I am not commenting on whether this choice is a good one
or not, but rather that this was not something that I would have ever thought
of doing!). More sadly, there is a huge amount of pressure towards general
tolerance, and particularly shifting of gender and sexual norms. There are
subtle (and not so subtle) signals of this everywhere, and I have found myself
relieved that I have not needed to explain such things to my children (yet). I
have little doubt that when we visit for longer as a family, that my now
capable readers will ask me some interesting questions about things they see
and read out and about, on billboards, in newspapers and on screens. I think in
some ways it is helpful to come back and be a little shocked by a shift away
from biblically correct worldview – it is a reminder that we need to live in
this world as strangers and pilgrims, being as innocent as doves but as shrewd
as snakes (in the words of Jesus). It helps me to pray for the country of my
birth, for my friends and family, for the political decisions that are made,
and also to prayerfully consider how to prepare my children for their first visit
back.
4.
Emotion.
I tend to be quite pragmatic about life, and tend to see problems as challenges
to overcome and opportunities for growth. I tend to be thankful for what is in
front of me in different places (people, food, gospel opportunities, fun things
to do) rather than lamenting the things that are not available in that place.
But I find short visits a strangely emotional whirlwind. In Africa, I have good
friends and feel very settled in a church where we can both serve and grow as
Christians. But there is often just a level of separation – of not quite
feeling really understood, having to be a little careful about use of humour,
of always feeling a little guarded and aware that there may be cultural
undertones of which I am unaware. When I am back in the culture where I grew
up, I do not feel some of these subtle barriers, and with some friends, there
is this amazingly liberating feeling of being understood. This is really
precious, and I think you don’t always realise quite how precious it is until you
do not have it. This week I have been greatly encouraged and refreshed by some
of my closest friends, and I feel sad to be leaving (but thankful at least for
the internet and ways of trying to remain in touch). At church this morning I
felt quite overcome by a wave of emotion – thankfulness, sadness and a real
awareness of eternity where every tribe and tongue will sing God’s praises in
harmony.
5.
Loss.
If you read this blog, you know I am thankful for so many things that I could
not even begin to list them. But with that, there are feelings of sadness and
loss. Two days ago, it was nine years since my daughter died, and because I was
in the right country, I was able to visit her grave. I was able to reflect on
all she taught me, and all I am thankful for. But there is always going to be
sadness there. When she died, I really did feel like a part of me died too. I
think the part of me that died was a selfish, worldly part that feels entitled
to pleasure and comfort in this current world. Another part was a fresh
innocent hope that this world was not as bad as many people say, but her death
was a reminder that this world is fallen, broken and in need of redemption. The
Bible is clear on those points. So whilst I am thankful too for these lessons,
I can still feel the raw pain – almost as though somebody had ripped my heart
out and thrown it at a wall. Another reflection that comes is that as we live
in this world, almost all of us will face pain and loss of one degree or
another. Many of my African friends have been through more than my European
friends could possibly imagine. Some of my European friends have been through
more than many of my African friends would understand. One group might face
political instability, genocide and prejudice, hunger, poverty and high death
rates from illnesses which might be preventable in other parts of the world.
Others might face abuse from dysfunctional families, mental illness and
addiction, financial insecurity and bereavement without the support structure
to support them through it. Nobody is immune to pain and loss. And when I move
from one world to another, sharing the lives of people from many places, I feel
aware of the pain that is a universal part of being human. I long for the new
heaven promised in Revelation chapter 21, where we are promised that there will
be no more illness, pain or death and that the Lord Himself will wipe away
every tear. True comfort is found nowhere else.
I am aware that this reflection is not particularly well
structured, and that I have touched on a number of challenging themes without
really working the thread through to a conclusion. In attempt to draw things
together a little, I would say:
1.
If you have friends or family who have moved
between cultures, be aware that coming back for a visit may bring complex
thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to articulate
2.
Be aware that this must be very similar for
those who have moved into your country and culture from elsewhere – and take
the time to listen
3.
Remember that God’s family will be made from
every tribe and tongue. We are all made in His image, and in this world, we all
know joy and pain, sadness and loss, hope and despair, often all jumbled in a
complex tangle
4.
Be thankful for what you have – relationships,
material provisions, health and strength – and where you feel loss in these
areas, find things that you can give thanks for
5.
Remember that confusion, misunderstanding and
loss will be in this world until Jesus returns to make all things new. Beware
of the idol of earthly comfort and security and seek to live as a stranger and
pilgrim in this world, spending your life (your time, your strength, your
resources) to build His kingdom
No comments:
Post a Comment